"I'm Hungry, I Can Eat My Wife" Says New Fatwa

ISLAM FATWAS: EATING WIFE, TOILET PAPER OK

Turkish, Saudi clerics note times are a-changin'

Published: 12 hours ago

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Who says Islam is not adapting to the times?

Fatwas issued by top clerics in Turkey and Saudi Arabia this week might be shocking to much of the civilized world, but they do indicate change.

In Turkey, the top religious authority, known as the Directorate of Religious Affairs or Divanet, proclaimed that though water is the preferred method of cleansing oneself after using the toilet, paper is now an acceptable alternative if a water source is unavailable, reports the nation’s Hurriyet Daily News.

“If water cannot be found for cleansing, other cleaning materials can be used,” the Divanet statement said. “Even though some sources deem paper to be unsuitable as a cleaning material, as it is an apparatus for writing, there is no problem in using toilet paper.”

Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia the grand mufti has reportedly found a new definition of halal – determining that, in the event of extreme hunger, it is acceptable in Islam for a man to chop up his wife and eat her – or one of them as the case may be.

The edict has been attributed to Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah, though it is yet to be officially confirmed.

The rationale, according to multiple local reports, is that the husband and his wife’s body will “fuse together after the husband eats his wife.” The husband would be permitted to eat “parts of her body” in such cases.

Nonetheless, other religious authorities denied the Saudi mufti issued any such fatwa, to quell the speculation about the subject.

Not long ago, the same Saudi grand mufti said all churches across the Middle East need to be destroyed. In Saudi Arabia, all churches have already been destroyed. Previously, he declared Twitter was the “source of all evil.”

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