United Nations Condemns

All Past, Present, Future

The United Nations Security Council (UNSC) passed a resolution earlier today stating

that any and all Israeli military action constitutes war crimes. What separates this

resolution from the overwhelming number of resolutions already condemning the

Jewish State is that it appears to be all encompassing. “In case anyone hasn’t noticed,

we just waste so much of our time singling out Israel for every little thing,” a UNSC

representative told The Israeli Daily. “This new ‘all encompassing resolution’ is

simply a much more efficient way to handle things. We’re the UN, we don’t like to

waste time or resources.”

According to the representative, rather than throat-punch Israel for every alleged

infraction, the new resolution just assumes that Israel is guilty, and always has

been. The representative went on to clarify, “it used to be that Israel would do

something, didn’t really matter what, then we’d all have to schlep to New York to

talk about how Israel is guilty, and then announce the ‘guilty verdict’, even

though we always use the previous resolution’s language since it’s identical –

kind of like a ‘copy/paste’. But now, everyone just knows. And this applies to

everything Israel has done and will ever do. It’s a pretty ingenious system. We

may not have much to be proud of but we’re really proud of this beauty. The

only downside is that many of us will miss our paid-for-trips to New York City.”