PLEASE, GOD,
STOP CHELSEA
CLINTON FROM
WHATEVER SHE
IS DOING
The last thing the left needs is the third iteration of a failed
political dynasty.
political dynasty.
Chelsea Clinton at the Democratic National Convention in 2016.
By SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images.
Amid investigations into Russian election interference,
perhaps we ought to consider whether the Kremlin, to hurt
Democrats, helped put Chelsea Clinton on the cover of
Variety. Or maybe superstition explains it. Like tribesmen
laying out a sacrifice to placate King Kong, news outlets
continue to make offerings to the Clinton gods. In The
New York Times alone, Chelsea has starred in multiple
features over the past few months: for her tweeting (it’s
become “feisty”), for her upcoming book (to be titled She
Persisted), and her reading habits (she says she has an
“embarrassingly large” collection of books on her Kindle).
With Chelsea’s 2015 book, It’s Your World, now out in
paperback, the puff pieces in other outlets—Elle, People,
etc.—are too numerous to count.
perhaps we ought to consider whether the Kremlin, to hurt
Democrats, helped put Chelsea Clinton on the cover of
Variety. Or maybe superstition explains it. Like tribesmen
laying out a sacrifice to placate King Kong, news outlets
continue to make offerings to the Clinton gods. In The
New York Times alone, Chelsea has starred in multiple
features over the past few months: for her tweeting (it’s
become “feisty”), for her upcoming book (to be titled She
Persisted), and her reading habits (she says she has an
“embarrassingly large” collection of books on her Kindle).
With Chelsea’s 2015 book, It’s Your World, now out in
paperback, the puff pieces in other outlets—Elle, People,
etc.—are too numerous to count.
One wishes to calm these publications: You can stop this now.
Haven’t you heard that the great Kong is no more? Nevertheless,
they’ve persisted. At great cost: increased Chelsea exposure is
tied closely to political despair and, in especially intense cases,
the bulk purchasing of MAGA hats. So let’s review: How did
Chelsea become such a threat?
Haven’t you heard that the great Kong is no more? Nevertheless,
they’ve persisted. At great cost: increased Chelsea exposure is
tied closely to political despair and, in especially intense cases,
the bulk purchasing of MAGA hats. So let’s review: How did
Chelsea become such a threat?
Perhaps the best way to start is by revisiting some of Chelsea’s
major post-2008 forays into the public eye. Starting in 2012,
she began to allow glossy magazines to profile her, and she
picked up speed in the years that followed. The results were
all friendly in aim, and yet the picture that kept emerging from
the growing pile of Chelsea quotations was that of a person
accustomed to courtiers nodding their heads raptly. Here are
Chelsea’s thoughts on returning to red meat in her diet: “I’m
a big believer in listening to my body’s cravings.” On her time
in the “fiercely meritocratic” workplace of Wall Street: “I wa
s curious if I could care about [money] on some fundamental
level, and I couldn’t.” On her precocity: “They told me that my
father had learned to read when he was three. So, of course, I
thought I had to too. The first thing I learned to read was the
newspaper.” Take that, Click, Clack, Moo.
major post-2008 forays into the public eye. Starting in 2012,
she began to allow glossy magazines to profile her, and she
picked up speed in the years that followed. The results were
all friendly in aim, and yet the picture that kept emerging from
the growing pile of Chelsea quotations was that of a person
accustomed to courtiers nodding their heads raptly. Here are
Chelsea’s thoughts on returning to red meat in her diet: “I’m
a big believer in listening to my body’s cravings.” On her time
in the “fiercely meritocratic” workplace of Wall Street: “I wa
s curious if I could care about [money] on some fundamental
level, and I couldn’t.” On her precocity: “They told me that my
father had learned to read when he was three. So, of course, I
thought I had to too. The first thing I learned to read was the
newspaper.” Take that, Click, Clack, Moo.
Chelsea, people were quietly starting to observe, had a tendency
to talk a lot, and at length, not least about Chelsea. But you
couldn’t interrupt, not even if you’re on TV at NBC, where she
was earning $600,000 a year at the time. “When you are with
Chelsea, you really need to allow her to finish,” Jay Kernis,
one of Clinton’s segment producers at NBC, toldVogue. “She’s
not used to being interrupted that way.”
to talk a lot, and at length, not least about Chelsea. But you
couldn’t interrupt, not even if you’re on TV at NBC, where she
was earning $600,000 a year at the time. “When you are with
Chelsea, you really need to allow her to finish,” Jay Kernis,
one of Clinton’s segment producers at NBC, toldVogue. “She’s
not used to being interrupted that way.”
Sounds perfect for a dating profile: I speak at length, and
you really need to let me finish. I’m not used to interruptions.
you really need to let me finish. I’m not used to interruptions.
What comes across with Chelsea, for lack of a gentler word,
is self-regard of an unusual intensity. And the effect is stronger
on paper. Unkind as it is to say, reading anything by Chelsea
Clinton—tweets, interviews, books—is best compared to taking
in spoonfuls of plain oatmeal that, periodically, conceal a
toenail clipping.
is self-regard of an unusual intensity. And the effect is stronger
on paper. Unkind as it is to say, reading anything by Chelsea
Clinton—tweets, interviews, books—is best compared to taking
in spoonfuls of plain oatmeal that, periodically, conceal a
toenail clipping.
Take the introduction to It’s Your World (Get Informed! Get
Inspired! Get Going!). It’s harmless, you think. “My mom
wouldn’t let me have sugary cereal growing up (more on
that later),” writes Chelsea, “so I improvised, adding far more
honey than likely would have been in any honeyed cereals.”
That’s the oatmeal—and then comes the toenail:
Inspired! Get Going!). It’s harmless, you think. “My mom
wouldn’t let me have sugary cereal growing up (more on
that later),” writes Chelsea, “so I improvised, adding far more
honey than likely would have been in any honeyed cereals.”
That’s the oatmeal—and then comes the toenail:
I wrote a letter to President Reagan when I was five to voice my
opposition to his visit to the Bitburg cemetery in Germany,
because Nazis were buried there. I didn’t think an American
president should honor a group of soldiers that included Nazis.
President Reagan still went, but at least I had tried in my own
small way.
Ah, yes, that reminds me of when I was four and I wrote to
Senator John Warner about grain tariffs, arguing that trade
barriers unfairly decreased consumer choice.
Senator John Warner about grain tariffs, arguing that trade
barriers unfairly decreased consumer choice.
At first glance, of course, Chelsea seems to be boasting that
at age five she was interpreting the news with the maturity
of an adult. But we should consider whether it’s instead a
confession that as an adult she still interprets the news
with the maturity of—well, let’s just submit that perhaps
she thinks what other people tell her to think. Which brings
us to Chelsea’s Twitter feed.
at age five she was interpreting the news with the maturity
of an adult. But we should consider whether it’s instead a
confession that as an adult she still interprets the news
with the maturity of—well, let’s just submit that perhaps
she thinks what other people tell her to think. Which brings
us to Chelsea’s Twitter feed.
Since Chelsea has 1.6 million followers, we can only conclude
that some people enjoy ideas like “Yes. Yes. Yes. Closing the
#wagegap is crucial to a strong economy.” And maybe there’s
no sin in absorbing and exuding nothing but respectable Blue
State opinion. But it’s another thing to insist on joining each
day’s designated outrage bandwagon. Did we need to slap
down a curmudgeonly Charlotte Rampling, age 71, for
griping about #OscarsSoWhite activists? Yes, and here’s
Chelsea: “Outrageous, ignorant & offensive comments
from Rampling.” Is gender identity not going to be included
on the 2020 census? Here’s Chelsea: “This is outrageous. No
one should be invisible in America.” Not that there aren’t
breaks for deeper thoughts: “Words without action
are ... meaningless. Words with inaction are ... just words.
Words with opposite action is ... hypocrisy.”
that some people enjoy ideas like “Yes. Yes. Yes. Closing the
#wagegap is crucial to a strong economy.” And maybe there’s
no sin in absorbing and exuding nothing but respectable Blue
State opinion. But it’s another thing to insist on joining each
day’s designated outrage bandwagon. Did we need to slap
down a curmudgeonly Charlotte Rampling, age 71, for
griping about #OscarsSoWhite activists? Yes, and here’s
Chelsea: “Outrageous, ignorant & offensive comments
from Rampling.” Is gender identity not going to be included
on the 2020 census? Here’s Chelsea: “This is outrageous. No
one should be invisible in America.” Not that there aren’t
breaks for deeper thoughts: “Words without action
are ... meaningless. Words with inaction are ... just words.
Words with opposite action is ... hypocrisy.”
That is … beautiful.
The crude conventional wisdom is that Bill Clinton craved
adoration and Hillary Clinton craved power. But Chelsea
Clinton seems to have a more crippling want: fashionability—
of the sort embraced by philanthropic high society. So you
tell The New York Times that your dream dinner party
would include James Baldwin, Shakespeare, Franz Kafka,
Albert Camus, Jane Jacobs, and Jane Austen, and discussion
would be about how “people and communities can evolve to
be more inclusive, more kind, have a greater and broader
sense of solidarity, while still respecting individual liberties;
what provokes or blocks those changes; and what stories
might resonate today to encourage us toward kindness,
respect, and mutual dignity.” You almost have to bow down
before someone who could host Shakespeare for dinner and
make the agenda wind up sounding like a brochure for the
Altria Group. At least Kafka would be on hand to capture the
joy of the evening.
adoration and Hillary Clinton craved power. But Chelsea
Clinton seems to have a more crippling want: fashionability—
of the sort embraced by philanthropic high society. So you
tell The New York Times that your dream dinner party
would include James Baldwin, Shakespeare, Franz Kafka,
Albert Camus, Jane Jacobs, and Jane Austen, and discussion
would be about how “people and communities can evolve to
be more inclusive, more kind, have a greater and broader
sense of solidarity, while still respecting individual liberties;
what provokes or blocks those changes; and what stories
might resonate today to encourage us toward kindness,
respect, and mutual dignity.” You almost have to bow down
before someone who could host Shakespeare for dinner and
make the agenda wind up sounding like a brochure for the
Altria Group. At least Kafka would be on hand to capture the
joy of the evening.
To find fault with the former First Daughter is to invite the
wrath of thousands. Love of Chelsea correlates closely with
love of Hillary, toward whom her fans have long felt an odd
protectiveness, as if she were a stroke survivor regaining the
power of speech rather than one of the most influential
people in the world. That goes even more for Chelsea, who
is often treated less like an independent 37-year-old multi-
millionaire and more like the 12-year-old who still deserve
s to be left alone.
wrath of thousands. Love of Chelsea correlates closely with
love of Hillary, toward whom her fans have long felt an odd
protectiveness, as if she were a stroke survivor regaining the
power of speech rather than one of the most influential
people in the world. That goes even more for Chelsea, who
is often treated less like an independent 37-year-old multi-
millionaire and more like the 12-year-old who still deserve
s to be left alone.
But let’s have a reality check. No one bothers George W.
Bush’s daughter, Barbara Bush, who quietly works on
her nonprofit, Global Health Corps. On the other hand, if
you’re posing for magazine covers, granting interviews, doing
book tours, placing your name on your parents’ multi-million-
dollar foundation, and tweeting out daily to 1.6 million people,
then—guess what—you’re a public figure. And if you’ve
openly entertained the possibility of running for office if
“it was something I felt called to do,” then
assurances to the contrary aren’t quite good enough.
You’re a public hazard.
Bush’s daughter, Barbara Bush, who quietly works on
her nonprofit, Global Health Corps. On the other hand, if
you’re posing for magazine covers, granting interviews, doing
book tours, placing your name on your parents’ multi-million-
dollar foundation, and tweeting out daily to 1.6 million people,
then—guess what—you’re a public figure. And if you’ve
openly entertained the possibility of running for office if
“it was something I felt called to do,” then
assurances to the contrary aren’t quite good enough.
You’re a public hazard.
God has decreed that American political dynasties decline
sharply in suitability for office with each iteration. Call it the
George H.W.-George W.-Jeb rule. Quit after the first iteration.
Don’t trot out the second one. And, for the love of God, don’t trot
out the third. Forgetting that rule harmed the Democratic Party
in 2016 and blew up the Republican Party entirely. The
Democratic Party is surprisingly cohesive these days, thanks
to anti-Trump sentiment, so a Jeb-style destruction is unlikely. But never say never. If anyone could make it happen, Chelsea could.
sharply in suitability for office with each iteration. Call it the
George H.W.-George W.-Jeb rule. Quit after the first iteration.
Don’t trot out the second one. And, for the love of God, don’t trot
out the third. Forgetting that rule harmed the Democratic Party
in 2016 and blew up the Republican Party entirely. The
Democratic Party is surprisingly cohesive these days, thanks
to anti-Trump sentiment, so a Jeb-style destruction is unlikely. But never say never. If anyone could make it happen, Chelsea could.
