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Sunday, June 14, 2015

It Sounds Like The Onion, But It Is The Israeli Daily

United Nations Condemns 

All Past, Present, Future 

Israeli Actions

The United Nations Security Council (UNSC) passed a resolution earlier today stating 
that any and all Israeli military action constitutes war crimes.  What separates this
 resolution from the overwhelming number of resolutions already condemning the 
Jewish State is that it appears to be all encompassing.  “In case anyone hasn’t noticed, 
we just waste so much of our time singling out Israel for every little thing,” a UNSC 
representative told The Israeli Daily. “This new ‘all encompassing resolution’ is 
simply a much more efficient way to handle things. We’re the UN, we don’t like to
 waste time or resources.”
According to the representative, rather than throat-punch Israel for every alleged 
infraction, the new resolution just assumes that Israel is guilty, and always has 
been.  The representative went on to clarify, “it used to be that Israel would do 
something, didn’t really matter what, then we’d all have to schlep to New York to
 talk about how Israel is guilty, and then announce the ‘guilty verdict’, even 
though we always use the previous resolution’s language since it’s identical – 
kind of like a ‘copy/paste’. But now, everyone just knows. And this applies to 
everything Israel has done and will ever do. It’s a pretty ingenious system. We 
may not have much to be proud of but we’re really proud of this beauty. The 
only downside is that many of us will miss our paid-for-trips to New York City.”

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