Miranda Kerr and Ciara aren't alone - here's why more women are skipping sex, pre-marriage.
Me, myself and I. Photo: iStock
Virginity is such a loaded word. It either conjures up magical memories or, for many of us, the absolute horrors. According to Durex, the average age that women have intercourse in Australia is eighteen while 17.4-years-old for the guys. But imagine if you could take your virginity back and give it to the man you were going to marry? Would you?
We're not talking surgical reconstruction of the hymen here. Becoming a born again virgin isn't a physical concept, it's more a conscious decision to abstain from sex until you're married. Essentially, it's free virginity pass, even if you've already done the deed a plenty, or in Kerr's case, had a child.
Celebrity tried and tested
Kerr, 33, dropped her infamous guard in an interview with The Times in the UK and gave us a glimpse into the innermost workings of her apparent non-sex life with Spiegel, 26, when she admitted the couple don't currently use any contraception because they're not having sex until they're married. "[Spiegel] is very traditional," said Kerr. "We can't…I mean we're just…waiting."
Meanwhile back in 2008, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon also declared their abstinence. "We both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married," said Carey at the time. She divorced Cannon in 2014. Plus sized, supermodel Ashley Graham says she’d "sowed her oats" so she decided to wait until after she married her husband, Justin Ervin. When US songstress Ciara, who has a son with the rapper Future, got together with now-husband and Seattle Seahawks Quarterback, Russell Wilson, he proudly told the world they had decided not to have sex before their marriage.
'I'm happier not hooking up'
However, it is not just celebrities that are abstaining from physical intimacy. Jo, a 28-year-old single, retail manager from Melbourne, relates to their desire to wait. She has put the breaks on all sexual relationships until she's found a man whose willing to put a ring on it. In a world of Tinder and casual hookups, she believes chastity is an underrated virtue. "I lost my virginity at 16 to a douche bag, in an indoor sports centre. It was a cold and unemotional experience. He dumped me the next day. I've had one relationship and more than a handful of hookups since. I have always struggled with intimacy. So, after one more disastrous sexual relationship that led nowhere, I decided that I was going to take my time and wait for some form of commitment before I jumped into bed. It's essentially a sex detox to clean the negativity out of my system."
While she admits her friends think it is an old-fashioned notion, Jo is adamant that waiting is the best option. "I'm happier now," she says, despite the fact her newfound liberation from sex scares away prospective partners, "At least I know early on, whether they're interested in me or my body."
Melbourne sex therapist Chantelle Otten is seeing a host of clients, who've taken the same route (no pun intended). "People are taking the decision to reinvent their sexual selves. The reasons are entirely personal - whether it’s religious grounds, negative sexual patterns, sexual burnout from dating, wellness and spiritual journeys, or trying to be mindful about their choices. They want emotional intimacy before going down a sexual path."
Jo believes she'll hold out until her wedding night finally comes. "It's going to be magical because I feel as if my body and mind have been purified," she said, optimistically. That is not to shame anyone who is enjoying crazy casual hookups, or whatever else you may be into. They are just as awesome, if you’re enjoying yourself. That’s the beauty of being a modern day, we get to choose.