Monday, January 2, 2017
Memo To Democrats--Don't Listen To This Information!
Here are 5 New Year's Resolutions that Leftists Should Live By in 2017
Like it or not, we do have to share the country with Democrats. Sure, there’s
been talk of California seceding from the Union--and reading strange
headlines like “California Democrats legalize child prostitution” you almost
feel inclined to push them out. But the fact is, for all their preening over
transgender bathrooms and gluten-free goodness, deep down, leftists
know that Whole Foods can’t supplant aircraft carriers, and they need
God-fearing men with scary guns to secure their freedoms.
So here a list of New Year’s Resolutions for our friends on the other side
of the aisle – the self-proclaimed tolerant – to make them more… tolerable.
Who knows, follow these, and you may yet win elections.
VIDEOClinton votes for Hillary
1. Tell Lena Dunham to go away.
Just one question: Which aspect of Lena Dunham’s persona did Hillary
Clinton perceive as an asset to her campaign?
Was it the fact that she fabricated a story about being raped by a college
Republican? Or perhaps how she described sexually abusing her own sister
in the pages of her memoir? Maybe Hillary just wanted another multi-millionaire
celebrity who revels in self-victimization to reach out to working-class Americans
in the rust belt?
This was said after the election, but it's an actual, direct quote from Lena
Dunham: "…I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had."
2. Don’t overuse intersectionality. Gendering glaciers makes you sound out of touch with reality.
It seems very easy to claim that various groups of people are being
oppressed by shadowy figures, and that everything bad in this world is
connected by some evil masculine entity maliciously known as “the patriarchy.”
However, when you start claiming that environmental issues can be connected
to sexism, you start running down a rabbit hole that would make Alice’s journey
seem like a walk in the park. There are ways to address issues of racism and
sexism in this country, but there’s a better chance that pigs will fly rocket ships
to Pluto than that someone will find legitimate evidence to back a theory that
attempts to link the two.
3. Recognize that other people have the same right to speak their mind as you do.
As you're likely aware, this country has this incredible thing codified in the
Constitution; it's called the First Amendment. Under it, you have every right
to talk about genders ranging from males to mayonnaise without being
punished by the government or private entities. It's that same First Amendment
that gives conservatives, classical liberals, and other non-progressives the
right to challenge your beliefs respectfully. Trying to shut others down because
you got microaggressed by allegedly racist, sexist, bigoted, and homophobic
rhetoric does not make you look more brave, it makes you look like a fascist--
and nobody, including yourselves supposedly, likes fascism.
4. Understand that nobody is more or less moral and pure because of their identity
For some reason, many of you seem convinced that anyone who isn't white,
or, and that they must be treated with kid gloves in order not to offend, and to
make them feel good about themselves. There is a word for such behavior:
Not only is this behavior racist against anyone who looks white, but it's also
racist against minorities because you treat them like noble savages who should
not be held to the same moral standards as the white guy. The same concept
applies to sexism. If you honestly believe that women have a license to say
despicable things about men, or that they should be the only ones who have
the right to talk about the choice to terminate a pregnancy, then you are making
a mockery out of yourself. Instead of focusing on the physical differences
between human beings, start judging people by the basis of their character,
and their ideas. A great man, whom we should all admire, once said he
hoped to see a word where character mattered more than color.
5. Stay clear of Black Lives Matter’s polemics. It does not help anyone.
The entire “black lives matter” shtick has done nothing more than endanger
police lives and give leeway to violent rioters, driving businesses out of inner
cities. Hillary Clinton saying she would lecture white people about racism
didn’t win her one vote. She did far worse than Obama with minorities, while
Trump gained support!
No rational American believes the lives of black people don’t matter. Police
officers are just like any other citizens. They’re trying to do their job, and
provide for their families. Most of them are great people; some of them aren’t.
We want to weed out the bad ones as much as you do.
So instead of painting all of law enforcement as unmitigated racists,
conspiring on a national level in an effort to wantonly execute black people,
let’s actually work toward a common cause in 2017. Bodycams are a great
idea with bipartisan support, as well as investigation of corruption in public
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but (just this once) LISTEN TO BERNIE
SANDERS. Here’s some of what he said after the election:
"I come from the white working class, and I am deeply humiliated
that the Democratic Party cannot talk to the people where I came from."
That’s right. Calling everyone who disagrees with you on policy a virulent racist, homophobic, sexist Nazi is not a winning strategy. If we say we don’t like
Obamacare, that doesn’t mean we don’t want people having access to
affordable healthcare, we just don’t think Obamacare is the way to do it.
Going forward in 2017, here’s a thought: Debate your ideas. Don’t chide
Republicans atop your moral high horse, shrieking about how much your
desire for an idealist utopia makes you a better person.
Though true that your liberal bubble’s resident comrades reinforce your every
whim, complementing your virtue, take our word for it, the rest of the country
can’t stand you. So in the spirit of the Christmas season and the New Year,
we thought we’d share these handy tips.
Follow them, and who knows, in four years you might win an election and go
back to not caring about abuse of executive power, Putin’s expansionist
ambitions, government surveillance programs, or state’s rights. We understand
how exhausting it can be to actually have to criticize a president!